Anticipation . . . and stuff.

Racing this weekend! It's been awhile - 6 weeks? Golly. After 3 1/2 months of racing every god damn weekend 6 weeks feels like a long time.

This week's been tough on motivation. I had an amazing hard ride on Saturday, sort of lazy Sunday, took Monday off, then on Tuesday woke up to find that my motivation had sort of evaporated. What gives? Perfect lousy timing. I've faked my way through the last two days of training, sort of resenting the whole thing for some reason. Today it's kinda cold (75 degrees is practically arctic for Reno in August) and it's supposed to rain later and I'm thinking I'll just ride my rollers and watch stupid movies. Trying to figure this out, get a handle on my negativity before it really fucks me over. Oh dear, did I just swear on my cycling blog? Ah well, it's the new Negative Nancy Me, get used to it. (My boyfriend's brother's wife [who I confess that I think of as my sister-in-law, despite the lack of marital ties between myself and that family] is named Nancy, and it annoys the crap out of her when someone calls someone else a Nancy.)

Okay, so I've figured out my problem. I have a number of races in the next couple weeks, and I'd really like to get some good results. Like, win. Because I want my upgrade soooo bad. And if I get my upgrade this month I can throw myself headlong into a wild and crazy season of cyclocross. If I don't get it I'll feel like I have to prepare for a solid early start to the road season so I can get some results before the points I have dry up. And my head's not in the road game, my brain's already gone over to cyclocross mode. So . . . what? I'm putting all this pressure on myself to do well at something that I have very little enthusiasm for right now. Top that off with being out of the game for the last month and a half and my confidence is way low and I'm mostly feeling lots of nervousness and dread. I write that and sounds stupid - my training has been very good for the last month, I'm fresh from not racing . . . yada yada yada.

Long story short . . . ? I need to get my fucking head on straight, plaster a truly sincere smile on my face, and go kick some ass with enthusiasm. Um, hooray?