I've come to look at it the way one might approach a coming out of another sort. For months I told myself that I didn't really want to stop racing bikes, I just needed to keep riding and doing my training and I would come to love it again. At a certain point, after yet another unsatisfying training ride that left me not energized but sort of sad, I had to admit to myself that, yes, I'm ready to stop racing bikes. Then I started agonizing about telling my friends, team, coworkers - how would they react to the news that I wasn't a bike racer anymore? Would they reject me? Judge me? How would I even tell them? And in the end, being surrounded by all these amazing people, all those important people in my life accepted my decision and loved me just the same. I should have known that it would be so; how could I have doubted it for an instant? And I felt gratitude and relief and happiness - all indicators that I had made the right decision.
Sure, I can always change my mind, but right now I have no desire to race bikes at all.
No, instead I think I'll go run a marathon.
I've come to realize in the last couple weeks that the world is divided between those people who think it would be fun to run 26 miles and those who don't. It's not a judgement thing - there are saints and assholes on either side of that line. We all have our strengths, and wanting to enter races where I'll most assuredly cry with relief when it's over is one of mine. Don't get me started on my weaknesses - we rearranged our house to accommodate (turns out spelling accommodate is a serious weakness of mine) a pull-up bar 2 months ago and I have yet to so much as try to do a pull up. The very idea of finishing some sort of graduate degree makes me feel overwhelmed enough to curl up in a little ball in the corner for the rest of the day. No, my strength is definitely in thinking things that physically uncomfortable are actually quite enjoyable (except the dentist. Never the dentist).
So I've got a training plan to try to execute a sort-of not-hella-slow marathon in October. I'm really excited about it. I'm sure that in the last several miles (if not the first, oh, I dunno, 26) I'll deeply regret this decision, and I'm equally sure that I'll weep with relief when it's over. I find this exciting.
But in the meantime, here's some pictures of random stuff.
This is our boat! Tri-oomph. We haven't gotten it (her?) down here yet, but when we do, ooooh boy is it going to be fun.
This is our duck. Taking a bath.
And this is me and Cody at Niagara Falls on the way up to look at the boat, looking oh so photogenic.