Friday, August 28, 2009

I know, I know.

I need to blog one of these days, I know, I'm boring. I'm also a hypocrite, because I give other people a hard time about not updating their blogs, and here I am not updating my blog. But I have a great (uhh, matter of opinion, I guess) road season recap post coming up after this weekend, so have faith.

Monday, August 10, 2009

Try try again.

Don't worry, I'm through with the whiny negativity routine. Moving on to optimism, or something that at least resembles it.

Patterson Pass was, um, well, kinda lousy. Led out the climb (bad idea, same thing I did at the hill climb at Kern, tho you can reference my race report for evidence that I didn't really admit it to myself at the time the actual reason why I sucked so hard) cracked just before the top, just about caught back up, then I flatted. Damn. So, to do well in a road race one needs to do the following: 1. Train lots, but not too much, 2. Don't flat, or have any other mechanical mishap, 3. Not go into it with your head up your ass (as in leading up the climb, into a head wind). Next race I'm going to triple check that my head is where it belongs, and the "on" switch is engaged.

And hope for no flats.

(Pre-Dunnigan mental checklist will go something like this - "Head out of ass? Check. Brain fully engaged? Uhhh . . . oh! I mean, "check". )

So, having a day of lousy luck (if you count stupid racing as bad luck, and I do) can really call into question motivation (which, as previously addressed, has recently been occasionally absent) and purpose, and self-confidence. Well, the self-confidence department is still kind of lacking. The only thing that's going to fix that is a good result, or an extra glass of wine (unfortunately not an option pre-race). What do I do when I struggle with these things? Well, it seems when I feel like no matter what I do I'll never be a good road racer I think about how freaking awesome cyclocross is. And . . . I start plotting. For instance, I'm seriously seriously thinking about flying to Kentucky for the USGP Derby Cup races. Yes. Kentucky. Additionally I'm already planning on flying to Portland for the USGP, and driving to Bend for Nationals. And I'll most likely be working at Interbike so I'll hopefully (if my boss let's me get away from the almost-naked-ladies-dancing-on-poles that is the Sinclair Party) be racing Cross Vegas again. WTF? It's like I'm a pro cyclocross racer or something. Hm. I know, it's a lot way to travel to come in 3rd from last, but god damnit, it sounds like fun.

Oh yeah, and I'm going to get my road upgrade. Umm . . . right . . .

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Anticipation . . . and stuff.

Racing this weekend! It's been awhile - 6 weeks? Golly. After 3 1/2 months of racing every god damn weekend 6 weeks feels like a long time.

This week's been tough on motivation. I had an amazing hard ride on Saturday, sort of lazy Sunday, took Monday off, then on Tuesday woke up to find that my motivation had sort of evaporated. What gives? Perfect lousy timing. I've faked my way through the last two days of training, sort of resenting the whole thing for some reason. Today it's kinda cold (75 degrees is practically arctic for Reno in August) and it's supposed to rain later and I'm thinking I'll just ride my rollers and watch stupid movies. Trying to figure this out, get a handle on my negativity before it really fucks me over. Oh dear, did I just swear on my cycling blog? Ah well, it's the new Negative Nancy Me, get used to it. (My boyfriend's brother's wife [who I confess that I think of as my sister-in-law, despite the lack of marital ties between myself and that family] is named Nancy, and it annoys the crap out of her when someone calls someone else a Nancy.)

Okay, so I've figured out my problem. I have a number of races in the next couple weeks, and I'd really like to get some good results. Like, win. Because I want my upgrade soooo bad. And if I get my upgrade this month I can throw myself headlong into a wild and crazy season of cyclocross. If I don't get it I'll feel like I have to prepare for a solid early start to the road season so I can get some results before the points I have dry up. And my head's not in the road game, my brain's already gone over to cyclocross mode. So . . . what? I'm putting all this pressure on myself to do well at something that I have very little enthusiasm for right now. Top that off with being out of the game for the last month and a half and my confidence is way low and I'm mostly feeling lots of nervousness and dread. I write that and sounds stupid - my training has been very good for the last month, I'm fresh from not racing . . . yada yada yada.

Long story short . . . ? I need to get my fucking head on straight, plaster a truly sincere smile on my face, and go kick some ass with enthusiasm. Um, hooray?